You’re not helping by saying there’s nothing you can do to help me!
An occasional series of rants against the dying of the light of what was once Great Britain!
What is wrong with you Britain No 1?
What is wrong with you Britain? What happened to your manners and your self-worth? If you are a driver and you accidentally try to run me over because you can’t be bothered slowing down or looking where you are going, why look so offended and shocked when I turn round and remonstrate with you as you slither out of your car?
And what is wrong with you idiots when you see somebody trying to get out of their drive – why would you rather end up on the other side of the road and risk crashing into oncoming traffic, rather than just slow down and let them out!
The personality of this once green and pleasant land is now based on passive aggression – but woe betide anybody who shows any form of good old fashioned real aggression – not fisticuffs or anything like that – just the gumption to stand up for themselves!
It all began with the advent of customer services – that last bastion of lost ambition, pointless platitudes and inverted aggression, the industry that seems only to employ failed parking wardens, bloated pointless pompous ousted county councillors and those hypocratic oafs of the NHS, jobless doctors receptionists!
Here’s a real conversation with a real customer services representative at a real supermarket last week:
Me: I hand a CS rep the opened package of an internet dongle: “Hello, the dongle I bought here a few days ago doesn’t work.”
CS: “I’m sorry, I’m here to help sir, can you explain what the problem is?”
Me: “Yes, my dongle doesn’t work.”
CS: “I’m sorry sir, do you have the receipt?”
Me: “I’m sorry I’ve lost it.”
CS: “I’m sorry sir, I’m afraid that without a receipt there is nothing I can do.”
Me: “Yes you can…”
CS: “I’m sorry sir, it’s company policy.”
Me: “Well, it certainly isn’t my policy or the policy of the law of the land …”
CS: “I’m sorry sir, I’m only trying to help you.”
Me: “Well you’re not helping me by telling me there’s nothing you can do to help me!”
CS: “I’m sorry sir, I’m here to help you but I can’t help if you adopt that kind of attitude towards me…”
Me: “All I’m saying is that you actually can help me if I don’t have a receipt…”
CS: “I’m sorry sir, I’m not willing to be spoken to in that way – if you persist, I’ll will have to call security.”
And so we proceeded for some minutes before the manager was called who changed my dongle for me without argument and I continued with my shopping!
What is wrong with you Britain for Godsake?
NB Retailers are not legally obliged to issue receipts in shops, meaning there are no rules on their longevity and quality.